margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
