Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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