I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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