either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
