I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Porn is love you can see.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
