i was born a porn star she said
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
