i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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