Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
