Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize