he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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