she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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