I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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