He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
