wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
