I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
