i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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