Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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