i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
