Jerry, you need to find god
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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