Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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