he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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