just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
