I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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