New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
