I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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