Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
