its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
