its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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