Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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