i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
