we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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