I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
