Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
