i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i think i have herpe
just one?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
