margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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