dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
