i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
