My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
