Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the day after is always just damage control
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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