what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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