I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
