The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
