she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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