So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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