Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My penis needs a shock collar
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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