Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
