is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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