I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
