guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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