Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
