You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
