Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The struggles of a small town man whore
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
