Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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