I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
