I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
