ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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