she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
