Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
