Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
