She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
