STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
