but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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