I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
