You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
